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Thursday, August 20, 2009

Miss Him.



Tadi waktu kelas Mat140 lecturer minta a few student datang depan and ceritakan kenangan manis atau suasana berpuasa di rumah masing2 yang paling diingati..

Apakahh???

Kenapa soalan tu perlu timbul pada hari Khamis dimana ramai warga uitm yang akan pulang ke rumah masing2 selepas waktu kelas dan bagi orang KL cam kitorang ni telan air liur je tengok mereka balik ngan muka bangga and ceria??.. arrgghh..


Aku tak perlu pakai celak tebal2 untuk membuktikan aku sedang emo. At this moment aku rasa down sangat-sangat.. My close friends pon perasan aku selalu termenung, xseceria and kepochi cam dulu.. even masa aku gelak2 buat lawak bodoh bangang pon deep down actually aku tersangatla terseksa..

Aku miss family aku..especially my mom and my baby bro-Amer.. lagi-lagi dah dekat bulan puasa ni.. This is the first time aku berjauhan ngn mereka.. I miss each and everyone of them so much.. Miss terbaring berbongkang kepenatan macam tak makan 8 tahun kat umah sambil tengok jam and merungut "adoi bile nak buke ni"... Miss g bazaar ramadhan and cari caramel and Roti john black pepper kat bazaar Keramat AU. Miss my granny's special kerabu which she often make during fasting month. *sighs.. Miss them so much.. i wonder if they miss me too??

Hari ni aku rasa down gila-gila.. rasa xbersemangat..hati ni rasa xsedap je sepanjang hari.. sedeh, kecewa, malu, bengang, marah, benci, rindu, tension.. semua ada.. Kenapa la masalah ni timbul? Mungkin Allah nak menguji aku. selagi termampu aku akan sabar..tp paling sakit bila kita terpaksa sebunyikan perasaan ni dr org sekeliling.. they know me as a cheerful girl who always smile and laugh but for now i just have to fake it and have to keep lying to myself and others.. Im suffering from within..aargghh... bencinyaaa!!!


Alangkah bagusnya if i could turn back time so i wouldn't do what i did and i wont end up feeling like this.. Ya Allah kuatkan la jiwa hambaMu bagi mengatasi dugaan ni..

6 comments:

Mrs. Ariff said...

elia...sabar la ek...
anis dpaham prasaan elia tu...
mase study dulu tiba tyme buke pose nangis tau ckp fon ngan mama...
1st tyme pose tanpa family..
mmg sedey sgt2...
rindu mcm2..
xpecially masakan mama la kan..
sbar ek..
even kwn kan ade..
nanti2 ok la tu...
u go gurl!
:)

hanim banim said...

alaaa sedehnya post kak ya. :(
don't hide those feelings within syg.
u pun human jugak, ade good and bad times.

take this as a challenge to make u a better person. no matter how much this hurts, it won't kill.

xpe xpe. anem blk mcg ahad ni.
nnt kite buka sama2 ye. lgpun rndu sgt kt kak ya. da start busy hal msg2 :(

aMyErInAiMiE said...

huhu.dont be sad.ive been there.there will be a good side of it.me 1st time pose kt umah pun best tp pengalaman jauh ngn fmly time puasa and xde kwn pun ok gk.akan tough la anda!cayok2..

its good 2 send u there at dis age.klu x,rugi xmerasa.huhu.good luck!tabahkn atimu.kuatkn amalan.sure can one!!:D

Anonymous said...

my dear niece...yok yo jer starting...huhuuhu......
elia...things that will make u a better person in the future is all this feelings and situation ur facing now...it will make u appreciate more the people around u and trust me...one day when u look back u will say to urself...im glad i had that feeling coz if not u might not be that best person u can be....
like what people said...susah dulu senang kemudian...GOD has a way when it comes to people's life so....live ur life to the fullest...don't sulk around.....take it as one of the things u'll appreciate in the future and be happy.....take care...and have a good ramadhan....ur aunty Lynn...hohoho...amacam ada gaya pakar tak...hahahahah

ininieza said...

last nite teringat kat ya sbb tu mak called. ingat nk 3g. tapi nasib baik tak dpt. line tak clear. klu tak abis la...kantoi... nangissss...2 org dewasa yg sememeh...haha

sabarlah.. perasaan eya ni sementra je. Ofkoz sbb ya tak biase lagi. But trust me, after all these u will sit back and say to urself...atleast I have my frens to bbuka puasa sama2. Juz think of other ppl who had to bbuka puasa alone!!.. as i remember my first time alone...years ago...masa mak mula2 sorang2!! mak pn penah buka sorang2. In fact bnyk kali. Masa keje pn mak penah buka puasa sorang2. Sambil berjalan kaki ke parking, ada tu buka puasa dlm kereta je. Im alone je..

As for u back in Mchg, juz remember yg mak, cicik, auntie nora, auntie lynn pn penah dok asrama...Penah alami benda yg sama...

Alamai suasana bersahur dan berbuka puasa tanpa keluarga. Lagi sedey tau.. mana ada org datang lawat sbb kami semua dok jauh dari KL gak. Tapi sehari 2 je, lepas tu the feeling was back to OK.. Mmg betul kata auntie lynn, lepas ni sure eya akan rasa BEST sbb dpt pengalaman berbuka puasa dgn kawan2 yg tak balik berpuasa dgn keluarga... atleast u know how good it will be. Next time, u akan kenang masa ni and talk abt it...juz like us.. ;)

Klu nk kata hidangan yg best2 like what u said, well...not to let u down...atleast at home tok mama tak buat yg special pn kali ni. She plan to buy je sbb mak & amer je yg ade. Klu ada pn cicik tumpang sekaki..hehehe

so dont worry, samada kat rumah ke kat Machang ke.. sama je..And to make u feel good...let me refresh yr memory...

As for tok mama & mak, plus Amer, we also feel the same things as you did...Coz this year, eya and cicik tak lagi ada utk buka posa sama kat umah ... mcm tahun2 yg lepas...

so dont get sad abt it. take it as part of life. No matter where we are, what we have during fasting month ni, juz remember..we have each other. U are alwez in our heart..

selamat berpuasa... and keep in ur mind & heart that we do ingat ya selalu..muaahhxx

Relax k.. esok bila bbuka mmg la rasa lain tapi kena ingat .. ada yg lain pn tak dpt berbuka dgn keluarga. So u r so lucky sbb bila bbuka dgn kawan2 pasti ada yg menarik. M

kim said...

kakyaaa !! dont be sad2 yeee, nnty kita bukak puasa ramai2 owwweee besttt je . :)
nnty kita tgk spe yg melatah . aww haha chill babe :) oke ?

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